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Life is difficult sometimes!

It’s been a little over three weeks since my mother passed away, but it feels like longer. Many thoughts, good and bad, creep into my mind, as I try to process this loss. I’ve been doing what I need to do, but I still feel as though I’m in a daze.

My emotions are running all over the place. Sadness, grief, regret, and family issues keep bubbling up. I have periods of crying that just seem to come from nowhere. One minute I’m fine, and the next minute, I’m a wreck. I still can’t believe my mother is gone. I called my mother everyday. It seems strange to not do that anymore. My life has changed in a big way, and I’m having a difficult time dealing with it.

I’m also overwhelmed with the many things that I have to do. I can honestly say that I’m doing the best that I can. I’m doing what needs to be done with my mother’s estate. Everything involved with that takes time and costs money! I’m also trying to keep up with all of the things I normally do. I’m having some trouble concentrating, so I write everything down, even the basic stuff that I would normally remember. As a highly sensitive person, this is definitely the most stress I’ve felt in a long time!

I ask for help when I need it. I’ve gotten support from my wife, daughter, other family members, and friends. I really appreciate the support and heartfelt sentiments from the HSP community. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried when I read ALL of your comments! I’m overwhelmed, in a good way, and grateful to all of you who took the time to express your thoughts and support.

I get very impatient with myself when I’m not moving fast enough in getting things done. I naturally have a great sense of urgency in completing tasks on my list. I think I’m especially driven to close out my mother’s estate quickly, since it is as painful as it is complicated. It’s very frustrating when others don’t share my sense of urgency. Unfortunately, this makes me difficult to be around.

I’m learning that I should not push myself and others as hard as I do. I need to take a step back and consider that others may need more time. Things need to be done, but not at the expense of making myself and others crazy. Balance is definitely the key to sanity and productivity.

Life is indeed difficult sometimes! I realize that this phase of my life will be challenging, but time will make things easier. The mantra I choose to replay in my head is, “This too shall pass.” Ultimately, I know I will learn from this experience and become a stronger person because of it, even though that’s little consolation now. One thing I know for sure is that I will be better able to appreciate the good times in my life!

I’m going to share more of my thoughts about my grieving process in my upcoming newsletter. I’m having trouble writing and getting my thoughts together, so it’s taking me longer to complete it.

Again, thank you for your support! As always, I’m interested in any thoughts or comments that you have.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Myrna

    Such a tender and emotional description of what you are going through. Just remember that it is not easy. And being in charge of an estate is time consuming and very hard too. It took almost a year to totally close out an estate in NJ of a close family member. The red tape does not care about feelings. Your mother was lucky to have you close by. It’s too soon to even begin to feel better so indulge yourself.

    1. Cliff

      Thank you Myrna. You’re right, the whole process of handling grief and an estate isn’t easy.

      Each part of the process is difficult. I get very emotional when I go through her things, personal papers, and handling her financial affairs. I sold her car, got a real estate agent, and am in the process of cleaning out her house. So much to do!

      Would you believe that she still lived in Madison Park? Many memories there! My mother was still living in the same house since 1955! She was very self-sufficient till the day she died. She still drove, handled her own financial affairs, and did her own shopping. On the day she died, she went to the beauty shop, Shop Rite, and went to Walmart!

      Thanks again Myrna for your support!

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