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Highly Sensitive People/Introverts: Are You A People Pleaser?

I know that you’re laughing when you saw this picture and read this blog post title! Of course, many of us highly sensitive people/Introverts are people pleasers!

Do you put everyone before yourself? Is saying yes a habit, more than a true intention? Is it dangerous for us to become constant people pleasers? 

Here are some disadvantages of being a people pleaser:

  • Your Relationships Can Suffer. You probably have a desire to help everyone, and make everyone happy, if you can’t say no. Sometimes though, trying to please everyone means leaving some people out. You have already agreed to so many obligations there is not enough time left on your schedule. Also, when you take on too many commitments, the quality of your efforts can suffer. This means your personal and business relationships can be damaged as a result.
  • You Begin to Resent Yourself And Others. A lot of “yes men and women” do not like that part of their personality. They realize that they are stress-filled because they are constantly trying to keep everyone around them happy. They see their own obligations taking a backseat, while the people they do favors for advance in business and in their personal lives. This can cause you to resent yourself, as you recognize your people pleasing personality is pleasing everyone but you. You’ll eventually feel under-appreciated and taken advantage of. Can any of you relate to this?
  • You Are Hurting Those You Care About. If you do everything for your friends, family members and coworkers, they never experience growth. You limit their ability to take on new tasks successfully when you can’t help them, because they may not know what to do on their own. Even if you see someone you care about struggling in a particular endeavor, sometimes it’s best to let them learn the process themselves, as this develops a new skill and an improved sense of self-esteem.
  • You Might Be Wrong. Is your every behavior dictated on what you think will please someone else? This is the case with a lot of people pleasers. They try to perceive what will make others happy, and then act accordingly, even if it is detrimental to their own situation. Remember, you are not a mind reader. Trying to assume what will keep everyone happy could lead to the opposite result.

I’m the oldest of three children. At a young age, I felt that I was expected to take on everyone else’s problems. Many years later, I realized that this was a big mistake. I developed a life long resentment towards some family and friends because of this. What mistakes have you made being a people pleaser? I’m interested in any thoughts or comments that you have.

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