This is a blog post that I wrote on Thursday. I thought it would be helpful to revisit it because I related to and learned from all of these comments! The post is as follows:
Highly Sensitive People: Do You Have This Personal Flaw?
As a highly sensitive person, I tend to trust people. I give too much information about myself too soon in a relationship. I’ve learned that a person has to earn my trust before I do that. Can you relate to this?
Here are some of the insightful comments that I received:
- This is a lifetime habit for me. I overshare and blindly trust others. I give my energy to people who don’t deserve it.
- We trust because WE can be trusted, I believe you measure the world by your own interior scale. With that being said, most intuitives are very considerate, kind, we just have to remember that not many others are not.
- I don’t want people to get close to me if they can’t handle the worst of who I am. It’s also a way to expedite rejection, which I feel is inevitable. I realize that it’s very dysfunctional, and I need to work on loving myself and focusing on my positive traits. I’m worthy of love and acceptance
- I’ve always trusted people too much. People take advantage of that. I think it’s more related to a longing for the things you didn’t receive during your childhood.
- I’m very private by nature. I don’t offer a great amount of detail about my life until I have known someone for awhile and gained a sense of their loyalty, honesty, and trustworthiness.
- I’ve done that too… I’m a giver and a connector… but I’ve pulled back a lot. I save my energy for people who earn my trust… which is no one these days!
- I used to do that, too. Just assumed everyone was as good of heart and pure of intentioned as I am.
I’d like to share another brilliant observation by Dave Montore who shared his unique perspective on this post.
Even the routine requires cooperation between strangers and that takes trust, and if you make everyone “earn your trust first” you’ll stagnate.
My trust is on a spectrum. Everyone gets a little up front and if they play nicely they get more. And if social indicators suggest it then maybe I’ll give them more up front. Maybe – if the potential payoff is big enough – I go all-in with someone who is a complete stranger to me but comes from a similar profession and has mutual friends.
“But that’s not always a reliable indicator that someone can be trusted.”
Of course not. But it’s something and you have to start somewhere and that’s where the courage comes in (or faith, if it makes more sense to put it that way).
There is no perfect way to determine trust and even someone with a seemingly perfect track record is going to falter at some point. So take your best shot, and if they let you down or take advantage of you then learn from it and move on. But don’t shut down completely just because interaction with others entails risk.
Do what you can to mitigate the risk and get better as you go. The more reps you get the better you become at sniffing people out, but that takes putting yourself in the arena, which means making yourself vulnerable (which takes courage, lol).
Do you have anything else to add to these deep-thinking perspectives? I’m interested in any thoughts or comments that you have.
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