Do you ask for what you want?

Do you ask for what you want?

Our pets are pretty good at letting us know when their needs are not being met, but what about you? Do you ask for what you want? Or are you the type of person who feels that you can solve all of your problems yourself? Do you tend to assume that others can read your mind when you want something?

As a highly sensitive person, I instinctively try to handle all situations myself and believe that others know what I’m feeling and wanting. Sometimes when I ask for help, it makes me feel like a failure.

Over the years, I’ve been working on releasing some of these self-defeating beliefs. After all, they never make the situation better and only place more stress on my already overactive nervous system.

I have become more productive and have lightened my stress level by asking and telling other people what I want and need. I know this sounds simple, but it works.

I realize that you may feel guilty or selfish in asking to have your needs met, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to take care of yourself. It is actually one of the most healthy things you can do. As HSPs, we often expect too much from ourselves and from other people, which just sets us up for needless hurt and aggravation.

As human beings, it’s natural and healthy to look out for our own best interests. It’s part of the self-care that is crucial to our happiness.

This process is not easy. Old habits die hard. I also realize that it can be difficult to ask for things, because when you ask for something, it opens up the scary possibility of being rejected. However, you have far more to lose by not asking at all. With a little practice and patience, you’ll feel more comfortable doing this, especially when you realize that most people genuinely want to be helpful.

Do you ask for what you want? I’m interested in any thoughts or comments that you have.

This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. Elyse

    I have been discussing this subject with my therapist… It is extremely hard for me to ask for help, even when it is the person’s job to help me. Part of the reason I have a therapist now is from trying to deal with everything on my own over the years and having it all finally come to a boil. Working on asking for help when I need it, knowing I would and do help others willingly and they will probably do the same if I am willing to ask.

    1. Cliff Harwin

      Hi Elyse,

      You’re taking the right action by seeking outside help from your therapist. The fact that you would help others willingly and they would probably do the same for you, begs the question….Why is it hard for you to ask? You might want to explore the answer to this question with your therapist. Please let me know how you’re doing.

  2. Tom

    I’ve pretty much given up asking for what I want since I never get it. For instance, if I’m trying to read and the TV another is watching is too loud and I ask that it be made a little quieter, I’m told, “It’s not bothering me so it shouldn’t be bothering you. Just get used to it.”

    1. Cliff Harwin

      Hi Tom,

      I hope you never give up asking for what you want. Don’t you think that you deserve what you want?

      The person who said to you: “It’s not bothering me so it shouldn’t be bothering you. Just get used to it.” isn’t very considerate of your feelings. Is this the kind of person you want to associate with? You might want to consider why you take this kind of abuse.

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